The Most Deceptive Self-Help Advice I Ever Followed? "Just Set Boundaries."
If setting boundaries was as simple as saying “no”—you’d already be doing it.
But if you’ve ever tried to set a boundary and felt:
❌ Anxious or guilty after saying no
❌ Like you needed to explain or justify yourself
❌ Disconnected, misunderstood, or afraid of losing people
Then you know: Boundaries aren’t just a communication tool. They’re an identity shift.
And this is where most self-help advice fails you.
Why Boundaries Feel So Hard (Even When You Know Better)
Most people don’t struggle with knowing they need boundaries. They struggle with feeling safe setting them.
Because at some point in your life, you learned that:
🔹 Expressing your needs led to rejection or conflict.
🔹 Keeping people happy meant keeping yourself small.
🔹 Prioritizing yourself felt selfish, so you kept over-giving instead.
So when it’s time to set a boundary? Your body reacts—not just your mind.
💡 Boundaries aren’t just about saying no. They’re about retraining your nervous system to feel safe choosing yourself.
What Happens When You Start Setting Boundaries
Real talk? It’s uncomfortable at first.
When you set boundaries, you might feel:
⚡ Fear of how others will react
⚡ Guilt for prioritizing yourself
⚡ An urge to over-explain or soften your no
But here’s the truth: Discomfort is not a sign you’re doing it wrong. It’s a sign you’re doing it differently.
Healing isn’t about avoiding discomfort—it’s about expanding your capacity to sit with it.
This Is Where You’ll Start
✨ Notice when your body tenses up around saying no.
✨ Pause before over-explaining. Let silence be enough.
✨ Remind yourself: Boundaries don’t push people away—they filter the right people in.
Because the people who genuinely care about you? They don’t need you to abandon yourself to stay connected.
Where Do You Start?
✔ Identify where you’re most afraid to set boundaries. What’s the real fear?
✔ Practice small boundary-setting moments—without over-explaining.
✔ Give yourself permission to be uncomfortable while you rewire old patterns.
If you’re ready to stop proving your worth through over-giving and start leading with self-trust, Rise Into You is where we do this work.
Because boundaries aren’t just about relationships with others. They’re about the relationship you have with yourself.
📌 Related Posts: [The Cost of Self-Abandonment], [Over-Giving in Relationships]
📖 Further Reading: [Brené Brown on Vulnerability & Boundaries]
📩 Have a question? Drop a comment below or reach out!
FAQ
❓ Why is setting boundaries so hard?
Because at some point, you learned that prioritizing yourself led to loss, rejection, or conflict, making boundary-setting feel unsafe.
❓ How can I set boundaries without feeling guilty?
Start by normalising discomfort, pausing before over-explaining, and reminding yourself that healthy relationships respect limits.
❓ What if people react negatively to my boundaries?
Some will—but that’s not a reflection of you. Boundaries reveal who truly values and respects you versus who benefits from your lack of them.
💡 If this resonated, share your thoughts below or explore more inside Rise Into You.
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