Self-Abandonment Isn’t a Flaw—It’s a Survival Response
If you’ve ever struggled with putting yourself last in relationships, over-explaining, or ignoring your own needs, you’re not broken.
You’ve simply learned that self-abandonment is what kept you safe.
Because the truth is—this isn’t just about low self-worth or needing better boundaries. It’s about a deep, nervous system response rooted in survival.
Why Do We Abandon Ourselves?
Self-abandonment isn’t a conscious choice—it’s something your body learned to do to avoid rejection, conflict, or loss.
Somewhere along the way, you received the message that:
🔹 Speaking up led to punishment or withdrawal.
🔹 Expressing emotions made people uncomfortable.
🔹 Staying small kept relationships intact.
So your body did what it had to do—
It learned that safety meant suppressing yourself.
Self-Abandonment as a Nervous System Response
Many people think self-abandonment is just a mindset problem.
But if you’ve tried affirmations, self-care routines, or therapy and still find yourself shrinking in relationships, it’s because your nervous system hasn’t been taught that it’s safe to choose yourself.
💡 This is where trauma healing comes in.
Your body has spent years overriding its own truth. So healing isn’t about just changing your thoughts—it’s about building a felt sense of safety within yourself.
This Is Where You’ll Start
Healing self-abandonment means teaching your nervous system that you don’t have to disappear to stay safe.
✨ Noticing when your body goes into a fawn response (over-agreeing, appeasing).
✨ Expanding your ability to sit with discomfort—without self-betrayal.
✨ Honouring your needs, even when fear tells you not to.
Because real belonging doesn’t require self-sacrifice.
And the people who truly love you? They don’t need you to disappear.
Where Do You Start?
✔ Pause before saying “yes” out of habit. Notice how your body feels.
✔ Pay attention to when you minimize your own needs. Where does this show up most?
✔ Start with small acts of self-honouring, even if they feel uncomfortable.
If you’re ready to break this cycle—not just intellectually, but on a deep, embodied level—Rise Into You is where we do this work.
Because choosing yourself shouldn’t feel like a risk. It should feel like home.
📌 Related Posts: [The Cost of Self-Abandonment], [Breaking the People-Pleasing Cycle]
📖 Further Reading: [Gabor Maté : The Myth of Normal], [Polyvagal Theory & Emotional Safety]
📩 Have a question? Drop a comment below or reach out!
FAQ
❓ Why do I abandon myself?
Self-abandonment is often a learned response from childhood where expressing needs or emotions felt unsafe, leading to a pattern of self-suppression.
❓ How do I stop self-abandoning in relationships?
Start by noticing when you override your own needs and practice small, consistent acts of self-honoring to retrain your nervous system.
❓ How is self-abandonment linked to trauma?
Many people develop self-abandonment patterns due to early conditioning, attachment wounds, or experiences where they had to suppress themselves to maintain connection.
💡 If this resonated, share your thoughts below or explore more inside Rise Into You.
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