Why We Abandon Ourselves in Relationships (And How to Break the Cycle)
You’re accomplished. You’re driven. You’ve built a life that looks good on the outside.
But in relationships? It’s a different story.
You’re constantly over-giving.
You avoid conflict to keep the peace.
You second-guess your needs and overthink every text.
And even though you know better, you can’t seem to stop.
Why?
Because self-abandonment isn’t just a bad habit—it’s a survival response.
The Roots of Self-Abandonment
Somewhere along the way, you learned that being fully yourself came with a cost.
🔹 Maybe love felt conditional.
🔹 Maybe being agreeable kept you safe.
🔹 Maybe conflict threatened your sense of belonging—so you started silencing yourself.
This isn’t just a mindset issue. It’s deeply wired into your nervous system.
💡 Choosing yourself doesn’t feel safe when your body associates it with loss.
This is why so many high-achievers find themselves stuck in the same cycles, even after years of therapy and self-work.
They intellectually understand their patterns.
They know they should set boundaries.
They’ve read every book.
But when it comes to actually doing it—
Their body freezes.
Because healing isn’t about willpower. It’s about safety.
The Shift That Changes Everything
Real self-trust isn’t about “choosing yourself” overnight.
It’s about learning to stay with yourself—even when it’s uncomfortable.
✅ Noticing when your body goes into fawning mode.
✅ Expanding your capacity to sit with discomfort—without self-abandoning.
✅ Honouring the fear that comes up when you set a boundary, instead of pushing past it.
Because real love doesn’t require you to disappear.
And true connection isn’t built on self-sacrifice.
Where Do You Start?
✔ Pay attention to when you shrink yourself in relationships.
✔ Notice what emotions come up when you even think about setting a boundary.
✔ Give yourself permission to pause instead of automatically over-explaining.
And if you’re ready to finally shift this pattern—not just intellectually, but on a deep, embodied level—Rise Into You is where we do this work.
Because learning to trust yourself is the foundation of every healthy relationship you’ll ever have.
This is where you’ll start.
📌 Related Posts: [Self-Trust & Emotional Healing], [Breaking the People-Pleasing Cycle]
📖 Further Reading: [Gabor Maté on Trauma Healing], [Attachment Theory & Self-Abandonment]
📩 Have a question? Drop a comment below or reach out!
FAQ
❓ What is self-abandonment in relationships?
Self-abandonment happens when you suppress your needs, silence your voice, or over-function in relationships to avoid conflict or maintain connection.
❓ How do I stop abandoning myself emotionally?
Start by building awareness around when you override your needs, notice your nervous system’s responses, and begin practicing small acts of self-trust.
❓ How is self-abandonment linked to trauma?
Many people develop self-abandonment patterns due to childhood conditioning, attachment wounds, or experiences where they had to suppress their needs for safety.
💡 If this resonated, share your thoughts below or explore more inside Rise Into You.
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